I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
