so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
