There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
