So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Randomize
