no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Randomize
