I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize