my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
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