How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
