I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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