I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
