i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
