I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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