I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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