I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
