I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
