Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
