I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Sorry my hands just texted you
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
