I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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