Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
