If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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