I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
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