And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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