Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
