maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
