she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
