Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
