I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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