when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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