he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
