I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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