ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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