If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I just got carded by a ten year old.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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