the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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