So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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