Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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