Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
