I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
