can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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