In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
