Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
