their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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