i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize