look no pants
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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