The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
