Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
