Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
We have so much sex to catch up on
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
