Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
he was CRYING into my vagina
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
