I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
