Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Randomize
