I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
