I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
