my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
