.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
