I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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