She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
