did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
