Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Randomize
