Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
