i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Randomize