we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
