He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
