remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
