that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Randomize