better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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