I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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