In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
