i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
