my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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