why didn't you poke me back
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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