Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
