So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
